My husband (34M) and I (32F) have been married for five years, and overall, we have a strong relationship. However, there’s one ongoing issue that’s been causing some tension between us: his friendship with his best friend, Kate (33F). They’ve been friends since college, long before we met, and I’ve always known about their close bond. I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive of their friendship because I trust my husband and believe that men and women can be just friends. But lately, I’ve started to feel uneasy about certain things, particularly when it comes to Kate staying over at our house. Kate lives out of town, so when she visits, she usually stays with us. In the past, I was okay with it because it was always when I was around, and it felt like a normal friend visit. But recently, I’ve had to travel more for work, and Kate’s visits have coincided with my trips. My husband doesn’t see a problem with her staying over while I’m gone, but it makes me uncomfortable. The last time this happened, I told my husband that I wasn’t okay with Kate staying over when I wasn’t home. I tried to explain that it’s not about not trusting him, but more about feeling uneasy with the idea of another woman staying in our home while I’m away. He got upset and said I was being unreasonable and insecure, pointing out that Kate is like a sister to him and that there’s nothing going on between them. He also mentioned that if the roles were reversed and one of my male friends needed a place to stay, he wouldn’t have a problem with it, so he doesn’t understand why I’m making this an issue. I told him that it’s different, but I struggled to articulate why exactly it feels that way. Now, he’s mad at me for “ruining” his friendship with Kate and making things awkward."AITA for refusing to let my husband’s female 'best friend' stay over at our house when I’m not home?"
Kate, for her part, has been respectful and hasn’t stayed over since our argument, but I can tell my husband is still upset about it. AITA for refusing to let his female friend stay over when I’m not home? Am I being unreasonable, or are my concerns valid?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
VegetableBusiness897 said:
Tell him you changed your mind, sorry just a glitch. Love you, see you when I get back. Then turn aaaall the cameras on.
Fun_Concentrate_7844 said:
My best friend is also a woman. We make it a priority to make my wife as comfortable as possible. I would never dream to have her stay over if my wife was out of town.
That is just disrespectful imo. And your husband saying he would be fine with it if the roles were reversed? Total bs. It's the first thing everyone says when trying to get their own way. NTA.
tigerofjiangdong1337 said:
NTA as soon as my wife tells me something is making her uncomfortable I generally stop doing it. Because my wife is my best friend. She and my daughters are the most important thing in my life.
sehrgut said:
YTA. "It's different, but I struggled to articulate why exactly it feels that way." It feels that way because you believe that you would obviously have a good reason, and that he would be unreasonable for making the same objections you are making. Either trust him in the same way you expect to be trusted, or divorce him. Your double standard is BS.
Visible-Draft8322 said:
YTA for saying its different. It's not different. You shouldn't see it one way with your friends but another way with his. I'm also not 100% sure what you think this achieves? If they were going to have an affair then he'd just use the time you're away to do that, regardless of whether you agree with her staying in the house or not.
AnonThrowAway072023 said:
NTA. As if he'd be fine with you home alone overnight with a guy best friend. It is a matter of respect, not accusations or lack of trust. You were right, he was wrong.
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